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Monday, 5 May 2014

The One With the Hot HR Guy

Any place you go, there are guys. Cute ones, funny ones, nice ones, sweet ones. And then, there is That Guy. You know - the one you get up in the morning and go to school/college/office for. Tall, dark, handsome. Well spoken, articulate. And, in this case, engaged. To be married.

Sigh. The one up there scripting my life continues having his jollies at my expense.

Lemme start at the beginning. Couple of years back, I joined a new company, in a new city. And as is with any new place, one of the most important things for a girl to take stock of is the male population. During my interview process, the HR Manager spoke to me for a bit. Seemed nice, looked about 35, married with two kids types. And somehow, from his name, I assumed he was a Bong. Didn’t really give him a second thought.

Cut to a month later, when I formally joined the company. I noticed a couple of cute guys, but they were younger to me. Lots of short guys – like 5’2’’ short. Lots of married ones. Some sad and desperate ones. In short - it was slim pickings.

About a week later, I overheard the HR Guy talking on the phone - in Mallu. Somehow, the fact that he was actually from the state neighboring my native changed my perspective (not sure why, it’s not like I have anything against Bongs…but more on that one later ;)). I started paying more attention to him, performed the mandatory social network stalking and asked the usual innocuous questions around.

My findings were pretty positive. A much liked guy, into all sorts of sports, trim and fit, came from a good college, tattoos, a year older than me…so far so good. I observed him for a few days, and started having a crush on him. And then came the email – announcing his engagement, and impending marriage.

Down came crashing my air castle. So disappointing. But then, I figured, he’s just engaged, not married. And it wasn't like I had a lot of other choices to distract me at that point. My crush continued, unabated. If anything, it got worse. Not in the sad, upsetting way. But in a fun, giggly schoolgirl way.

Whenever he would stand anywhere close to my desk, the monologue in my head would go something like this – “Omg! He's standing right in front of my desk. Slightly difficult to concentrate. Take a minute. Breathe. Don't sneak a look. You know you look like an idiot peeking at him like that. Phew. He's gone. Better now.” And it would take couple of minutes for my thoughts to unscramble.

And then, we had this ethnic day at office, where our man wore a shirt and a veshti (dhoti) - the dormant South Indian in me couldn't stop grinning in approval like an idiot. I was thoroughly enjoying feeling like a teenager with a hopeless crush again. I sat through entire presentations of his, without registering a word of what was said.

One of those days, I went to get coffee from the machine next to a pillar just outside my office. I was pretty lost in my own thoughts, walked right to the coffee machine. Suddenly, he popped up from behind the pillar, and said, “Hi!” And I froze. For one, I thought I was all alone in that area. And, HE was the last person I expected to see. And, he SPOKE to me. My poor brain couldn't process all of this quick enough. I vaguely knew I should return his greeting, and made a valiant effort. But no sound would come out of my mouth. After looking at him blankly for a few seconds (it seemed a lot longer), I just turned around and walked away. Leaving him baffled, staring at me. Not my finest moment.

After that, I noticed him looking at me carefully a few times. Probably just to judge if I’m actually a tad retarded. Post the coffee incident he must have thought, “She seemed so normal when I interviewed her. Poor girl.” And boy, am I glad I didn't have a crush on him when he interviewed me. Would have definitely not got hired.

This went on for a couple of months. I mostly tried to avoid him, I didn't want to end up confirming his suspicions. But I was still crushing on him. He got engaged, and a few months later, married. I was still sweet on him, though not as pathetically as before.

Like every huge crush, this one also had to come to an end. But oh, what a disappointing end. I’d more or less overlooked all the bright colored t-shirts he wore. Bright green, orange, bright blue, shiny shirts. He seemed to carry it off okay. But one fine day, I got a glimpse of his underwear. Bright blue underwear. With a white pattern on it – birds or flowers or something like that.

I know what y’all are thinking now…how’d I know what color his under wear was? Nothing too exciting, people. At an office outing, our man wore low waist jeans and bent over, allowing the general public a liberal view of his underthings. Now, I don’t deny that a Jockey band peeking out just above the waist of a pair of jeans looks cool. But really, guys, never underestimate the toxicity of bad underwear.

Just so you guys know, it looked something like this:



Gah. And thus, my huge crush, which neither his engagement nor his marriage could destroy, was, finally ruined.

P.S. – As I am penning this post, he’s walking around in office, wearing a peach coloured tee shirt. This peach: 













How the sexy have fallen. Sigh.

34 comments:

  1. LOL... literally! I am just not writing it.
    I am happy for you. Now you can have a crush on someone who's available, and hopefully wears normal underwear & normal colour T-shirts too.
    I enjoyed reading this. Thanks.

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    1. Yup, need to check undies first before having a crush :))

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  2. That last line took the cake, quite literally, as I was rolling around laughing at that :)

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  3. Hee hee.... So made me smile. And so true. One tiny thing and the crush crashes. And then you feel so silly.. Like yikes how could I??

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    1. This is not really so tiny....did you see the colours? :)

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  5. Hahaha...was giggling throughout esp the veshti part!

    Good luck with the next cute guy..maybe a Bong!;)

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  6. Teeheeheehee.. I hate it when somebody bends over and reveals their "underthings"..
    I loved reading this.. :)

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  7. I really hope he doesn't come across your post! He will be devastated. ;)

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    1. Not as devastated as I was Khushboo! :(

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  8. ROFL indeed!
    Erm, for me, the HR thing would have killed it. Something against those folks :|
    And number 2 might have been the colors, Egad!
    Here's to many more sexy crushes :D

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  9. LMAO.... I knew most parts of this story but still could not help laughing. The undi part was a riot (picture me holding my stomach with one hand and beating the desk with the other and shaking my head trying to remove the mental image).

    But yaar, I think you are being a little too critical on this. The guy might be having a thing for uncle Sam and that is his way of showing support or could be one of those cases "my aunt went to US and all I got was a lousy undi".

    But don’t let this incident get you down, Keep on having more crushes, not only it makes life more interesting, it is the best cardio for your heart (Source: Cyrus Broacha)

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  10. hahahahahah and ur crush had to end this way! LOL

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  11. ROFL! The colors would have rang a warning bell for me I think. I think I have said the exact same thing in a comment to you before - You have a brilliant sense of humour and the uncanny ability to laugh at yourself! :)

    BTW, where's your photoblog? I couldn't find a link to it.

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  12. lol. I really thought this story would end in a different manner. Never thought it would take such a turn towards the end. I can't stop laughing at the last line.
    I have the same question. Where is the link to your photoblog?

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  13. I think, peach, is not that bad of a color :)

    Destination Infinity

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    1. For a ribbon, no it's not :P

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  14. Gripping Read indeed :) the twist at the end was totally unexpected

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  15. Hi :)
    I love your blog. You make me laugh all the time. I never came across a girl with such a wit and humor. I am so proud of you. Wish you the best in everything you do.
    Cheers to you.
    Lavanya

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  16. Here's a demand for more posts - M

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    1. Me's been pretty busy and a tad lazy...new posts coming up soon. Probably a story you'll recognize, if you the M i think you are!

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  17. You write some of the most entertaining stuff. I must applaud you for that. :) Crafting such an interesting story out of your own life takes guts and creativity. But, may I know why don't you reveal your identity? Would love to see you. :) Anyway, all the best and do find a great guy who is JUST FOR YOU.

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    1. Hi Renuka, thank you :)
      I'm not comfortable sharing a lot of this with the actual people in my life, I've always been more of closed book. It's much easier to tell things to strangers :)

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  18. Loved your post tts :). I too have a crush on someone in my office:).

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    1. Thank you :)
      Hope yours works out better than mine did ;)

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  19. Totally chuckled on this one!!!!! What a fun read. I like your easy writing style. It reaches out.

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  20. I can't stop laughing :D:D:D

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So....what d'ya think?